...am I dreaming?

I am here - I'm not quite sure who I am - yet I know what I don't want to be...

I care about stuff in a way that's hard to describe - but very important to me - I can make all kind of weird but true connections, which hard to describe - but I feel are very important for me.

I need to express myself--sometimes rather sensitively - because this is my way. I pay attention to little details in life that most overlook. So I take nothing for granted-->I'm just f*cking clumsy at expressing myself!

I keep thinking I need to find ways to be more myself with others-to climb out of my cocoon and express all this inside stuff...especially to those most important to me (I owe them that). I don't want to hide in my own mind - I want to share with and connect with others.

But most important, is that they finally understand what I've been trying to tell them all along!

Confessions of an Enlightened Teenager

Hi Dad,

...if you actually are. Sometimes I find it hard to believe we're even related...in any case I'm finally becoming me and allowing myself to explore the world as ME - not as an expectation of what you think I should be. If you love me, you'll wish me well even if our 'conversations' are getting more difficult.

I'm learning that my changes as I grow as a person affect those around me who matter, so I've realised that I have to be careful to let them know what I'm going through, and prepare for that they may be going through their own shit and not always have time to 'get' me - which will feel a bit lonely. 

Dad, we can still have the occasional meal even if you don't understand my cooking...I'm still going to work hard in my kitchen even if you decide to like what I'm serving. Anything I create as a growing, independent person are MY children and show me how beautiful and unique I am - if I burn a meal, I'll learn not to next time - because I tried something new and still want to keep trying - not because you tell me what I should because 'you know what's best for me'!

It's MY voyage of discovery - not yours - and I'm loving every bit of it (but also a bit afraid).

I love you, Dad - but stay OUT of my kitchen!

My job is to allow the real me to develop and gain power to make hard decisions and even look after loved ones with their occasional problems. I'll keep practicing to become stronger and I'll make loads of mistakes - but they'll be MY mistakes, so I'll have no one to blame but myself...and I plan to go all the way to be the best, true me - even if you or anyone else doesn't want to take me seriously. I'm going to keep being me because it feels right - (and who else can do it better?) - and on the way, I'm learning to love being me!

I'm sorry Dad you have a problem letting me go - I've had to get used it-->no blame...You'll learn (like I have) that letting go of the familiar is painful - but necessary part growth.

...and the more I'm learning, the more I realise that I'm not alone in this vast universe--->and that I NEVER will be!   :-)

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